The Case of Narcissism vs. George Floyd
On Narcissistic Abusers Awareness Day we rightfully ask: Is Racism The Root Of This Evil?
In the matter of George Floyd’s death, I have one word: Disgusting.
There’s nothing “okay” about this situation.
The news headlines once again read, “Black Man Wrongfully Slayed by White Police Officer.” We’ve heard it on the news in America so much, we’re virtually desensitized: which is also not “okay”.
“In recent years, particularly since the fatal shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri in 2014, police brutality has become a hot button issue in the United States. The number of homicides committed by police in the United States is often compared to those in countries such as England, where the number is significantly lower.” Source.
“The Black Lives Matter Movement, formed in 2013, has been a vocal part of the movement against police brutality in the U.S. by organizing “die-ins”, marches, and demonstrations in response to the killings of black men and women by police. While Black Lives Matter has become a controversial movement within the U.S., it has brought more attention to the number and frequency of police shootings of civilians.” Source.
Your Honor, 2020 has crafted the perfect storm for total chaos
The world is sitting uncertain, penniless and unwell in quarantine. Emergency workers are still required and rewarded to pull hours, further dividing our economy and people. Medical staff, police, fire and government officials are truly at a loss and this stress is trickling down the walls of our broken communities. Many lack coping mechanisms, so some are aligning with panic, desperation and aggression.
Isn’t it obvious?
Not ONE but FOUR officers stood ON Mr. George Floyd. You mean to tell me, men carrying guns, tasers, and night sticks: armed and trained in combat, were so fearful of unarmed Mr. Floyd that FOUR grown professionals held this man down and eventually ended his life?
The plethora of video evidence is overwhelmingly depressing to say the least. Knowing these are professionals hired to SERVE AND PROTECT, I personally hoped that Mr. Floyd was telling the cops he was going to kill them, or he had 15 knives and 7 guns in his back pocket, or that he was a dangerous fleeing murderer… but he wasn’t.
Mr. Floyd was accused of using counterfeit currency, in a pandemic, when no one has money. I don’t know if he was feeding his child, if that bill was passed on to him, if he printed the bill himself. Did he even do the crime? I don’t know. Last time I checked, that was up to an experienced, educated and elected judge and possibly jury to decide, not public servants.
This is getting heavy…. I need a moment.
I’m going to tell you a little story of why this hits so close to home and why this hurts me so very deeply.
I’ll regret this, but I’d like to call myself as a witness to the stand.
Once upon a time, I was married
I was 21, he was 24. He just got home from military deployment from the 9/11 attacks. My husband often wore his US Army uniform when we were in public. Total strangers would greet us and raved at how much a hero he was, thanking him for his service and sacrifice. He would gleam from ear to ear acting shyly, but fed off the attention and often desired more.
He got the admiration he longed for, as I helped put him through the police academy. He was failed by a senior officer twice before graduation. Gosh, he became so enraged, I never spoke of his failures, I still don’t.
When he graduated, I was proud of him. I was a nursing student and he was an officer of the law. I married my best friend. It was a sweet “All American Dream”. I knew we truly had a wonderful life ahead of us.
That didn’t last long. As many marriage stories go, an unsuspecting spouse claims:
“something started to change…”
We had the complete honor and opportunity to adopt a baby. The unborn baby’s parents were Native, Black and Asian. I was elated! I didn’t think I could have children with my autoimmune disease and the low chemo drug treatments, I was getting.
IT WAS A BABY! I didn’t care if the kid was hairy, purple with 9 eyes and 40 legs! I LOVED THAT BABY the very second I knew it could be my little angel. Call me crazy, but I passed the psych tests to adopt and there was no telling me otherwise. (lol) Right or wrong, that was MY baby the instant the young biological creator lovingly asked me to be her child’s mother. The man I shared my heart with and married would obviously feel the same way. We discussed adoption before.
My ex’s best friend, a local high school teacher without his own children, didn’t share my enthusiasm. He asked me why I wanted to adopt a ‘nigger baby’ asking if it was “half off” compared to adopting white children. I was told I didn’t need someone else’s ‘problem’.
As an empath, it hurt my heart. I didn’t understand it. The only problem I saw was their ugliness towards a perfect unborn angel. I told my ex it was wrong and I remember my voice trembling in anger and fear, “that’s not right…. people shouldn’t make comments like that, and he’s a TEACHER! He has black students! Isn’t this illegal!?” My ex laughed at me. They called me a ‘hippie liberal’ a ‘child’ and told me I couldn’t take a joke, stating I was ‘too sensitive.’
Fast forward to a couple weeks later- we are having a bbq at our place. My ex invites a few other police friends over to our new home. Things are lovely but the conversation turns to work quickly, this time the gentlemen were comparing time as Military Police to their more recent Beat Cop positions. My ex describes his time at GitMo (Cuba-US Military Prison) and throws his head back laughing as he tells the heartbreaking story of a Muslim- black gay prisoner with one arm, terming the human being as he were a sick punchline. Some of the ‘dinner conversation’ included my ex stating he’d let the other inmates and officers rape the prisoner so badly he would end up enduring painful medical procedures to repair his anus… he added, “without proper sedatives or medications.”
I was horrified. Tears filled my eyes. I remember thinking ‘am I on, ‘Who the **** Did I marry!?” a series documentary on spouses that did the unthinkable with few warning signs, shocking their loved ones that slept right next to them….
That wasn’t the end of the monstrous boasting on torture, it never seemed to cease
“We would give them their stupid “Muslim food” but tell them everything was made with pig blood so they starve themselves. No one is to blame when they kill themselves! hahahaha” I thought, I didn’t eat pork for religious convictions, would he starve me, too?
“We taught them retarded phrases so when they had to check in with the doctor or official, they’ll look like the idiots they are. I taught my slave to say ‘I want a unicycle, because it’s funny and they think he’s batshit crazy.” He’s always been obsessed with calling others ‘crazy’ or belittling anything and anyone.
“They went into hours and hours of torture and when they got out, we were there to show them who’s boss. If I had to work nights, so did they.” Always had to “one up” others even in torture.
Dejectedly, I can go on and on- He described things you heard of in horror films. We drove by homeless people and he’d make comments about how ‘deserving’ these people were. Every time I defended what I felt was the innocent, he told me how weak and childish I was.
This was my life 12 years ago, so it’s easy to see police abuse is nothing new. Personally, I’ve been able to fly under the radar by being a blonde, white-privileged, intelligent female. When things started to get bad, I was able to get the protection I needed, but not without YEARS of fighting for my freedom.
My heart mourns for people of color. I can’t imagine my life without my “Privileged Pass”
I filed for divorce after my husband’s own father, also a police officer, reported him for abuse. My ex’s own substation co-workers, aka his friends came to our house for the abuse call. The pissed off officers grabbed my ex off me and took him outside as my grandmother and my father-in-law arrived per my cries of distress to them.
They asked me what happened, sobbing and shaking, I told them he pulled his favorite gun from his safe and was pointing at his head, asking me what I thought. How I thought our lives would end. After I said I was going to leave him, he tied my hands behind my back, and like George Floyd, I was being held down by my neck. I was screaming, trying to get away. He moved his knee close to me to kick me and shut me up, so I bit his leg to escape.
The police had more questions before they could help me.
Before I was allowed to go to the hospital for my injuries, I was questioned for 7 hours “downtown”, like a criminal. I told them what happened, over and over. They asked me numerous different ways, to see if I’d change my story, they called witnesses. They shut off the recorder a couple of times and asked me if I cheated on my husband, how much of a ‘whore’ I was. They had all my belongings and all I wanted was my cell phone to call for help.
Who do you call for help when the police are the bad guys?
My body was black and blue and after what felt like eons in the cold interview room, in the hard chair on my aching body, after no sleep, they concluded it was mutual combat because my husband had a small red mark on his thigh and if I pressed charges, they could throw me in jail, too… for injuring an officer.
Thankfully, I walked away with bruises head to toe, a few sprained bones, and a devastated heart, but he couldn’t kill me or my spirit. He contested our divorce for three years. He and his girlfriend sat in court and they would not sign divorce papers. I begged for my freedom. The inner emotional pain I was enduring, flared my autoimmune disease and I became very ill and deeply depressed.
Three years and 200k, I was nearly free. Still to this day, my ex holds things I value the most over my head. He continues to be under investigation for misconduct and knowingly breaks laws. He should be in jail with over 400 contempts, merely in the last few years.
The pain still lingers, the fear still haunts my dreams, and he still persists in punishing me every single day as he once promised, ‘I wont stop, until you’re dead.”
From bullying boyfriends on patrol, to stalking my home and loved ones: he was once even ballsy enough to try to forcefully pull me from my car window in front of my step dad, who reacted by going to get a gun of his own. 14 reports of abuse within a 12 month period and this uneducated, hillbilly officer, obviously kin to Napoleon Dynamite, with far less hair and the typical ‘cop doughnut belly’ is still a patrolling as an entry level beat cop, after 15 years on the same small town, unethical police department.
Despite the ongoing attempts, it’s obvious he can’t take down this massive 5'10, 120lbs of pure love and social impact, he’s tried his hardest! But think about it; there’s REAL cops out there, real dangerous ones, and my ex husband, a man of the law, is a prime example of what’s wrong with most police forces.
Ouch. I’m sorry, but this is a case for George Floyd. So, what does your story have to do with murder?
Grievously, poor George Floyd and others, rest their souls did not survive police brutality, like I have.
Was George Floyd a case of racism? For sure! But I think it could be something much deeper that’s fueling this hate.
Think back to my story as you read on and allow me introduce you to something I’ve been running from my entire life: Narcissism.
“Super Troopers” and the “extreme superhero complex”
One of the most discreet and dangerous types of abuse is killing more than we can ever imagine
I’ve sat on local unity campaigns for 7 years with racism being one of my biggest battles. Sadly, I’ve fought the local police department for justice nearly the entire time. There’s corrupt police officers all over the world, with the Wichita Police Department being one of the most corrupt. Just a few years ago, much of the Wichita’s Police department was forced into retirement, resignation, or was simply fired for misconduct. Just last week, yet another WPD officer was arrested and charged for sexual misconduct with several underaged minors ON DUTY. Source.
Many WPD officers are on the ‘Dishonesty List’, where they are forced to relinquish their right to testify in court under oath because they’re not capable of being ethical or unbiased, a trait of a narcissist.
Why do pedophiles, abusers, murderers, racists, and otherwise mentally unwell individuals have access to a badge that tells society how fast they can go while driving… and if you want to take it “0–100” like in the case of George Floyd: security servicemen are determining if citizens live or die before they’re ever proven guilty.
Is George Floyd a case of racism?
Of course it is, but what’s allowing that racism to surface? I fear it’s a terrifying rabbit hole many have not gone down until recently…
Narcissists, According to The Mayo Clinic:
“Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:
- Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
- Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerate achievements and talents
- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
- Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
- Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
- Take advantage of others to get what they want
- Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
- Be envious of others and believe others envy them
- Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
- Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
- Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment
- Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
- React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
- Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
- Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
- Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
- Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
When to see a doctor
“People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.” Source.
Sound like anyone you know?
Find out more and check out these disturbing terms on your own time: Cognitive Dissonance, Fauxpology, Flying Monkeys, Gaslighting and more over at a self help site called Narcissist Family Files. Source.
The court rules in the case of Narcissism vs Cops: Married until death do them part.
Interesting enough, “research has played an important role in identifying personality characteristics in police officers, such as impulsivity, antisocial tendencies, and entitlement, which increase the likelihood of misconduct. Police officers are subjected to a pre-employment psychological examination which commonly includes Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-2). Despite the thorough background investigation and psychological examination, police officer misconduct is still prevalent and the need to identify further problematic traits within police officer applicants is imperative.” Source.
Narcissism has yet to be studied in great detail within police officers but many have been tested and contained personality traits such as grandiose sense of self-importance, arrogance, and lack of empathy, which are detrimental traits in police officers.
In an effort to measure narcissism using the MMPI-2, as well as the frequency of the personality trait within police officers in 2014 there was a case study conducted titled “Narcissism in Law Enforcement: A Correlation between the MMPI-2 and the Narcissistic Personality Inventory” (Stafford, Megan C.Alliant International University, ProQuest Dissertations Publishing, 2014. 3557230.) Where the case found there is a positive correlation between the MMPI-2 and the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) when administered to police officers and officers displayed an elevation in narcissistic personality traits the longer they were on duty.
In another study done by Themis: Research of Justice Studies and Forensic Science Journal in 2017 fuels the fear citizens, “People with stronger narcissistic personality traits tend to be more attracted to occupations with authority due to the level of power and freedom given to the individual” (O’Boyle, Forsyth, & McDaniel, 2012).
“Working in an independent setting with a considerable amount of freedom to do as one chooses with little oversight from their superiors, a career as a police officer may be highly desirable for those with narcissistic traits. Some individuals with narcissistic personality traits often struggle with producing adequate work performance levels when compared to their colleagues without narcissism” (O’Boyle et al, 2012).
“According to the Diagnostic Statistic Manual-5 (DSM-5), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is defined as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy…” (DSM-5, 2013 p. 669).
“Today, police officers with traits of NPD are more likely to engage in police misconduct” (Weiss, Vivian, Weiss, Davis, & Rostow, 2013).
“According to studies done in 2007 and 2013, crimes commonly committed by police officers include: excessive use of force, substance abuse, theft, acceptance of bribes, and overall insubordination of superiors” (Sellbom et al., 2007; Weiss et al., 2013).
“The safety of the American people depends greatly upon the men and women consisting of our law enforcement, and police officers who abuse their power can put Americans at greater risk for harm. A police officer with traits of NPD can cast a very large, negative shadow on the trust American citizens put into law enforcement.”
Source: Themis: Research Journal of Justice Studies and Forensic Science, Vol. 5 , Art. 19 VOLUME V • 2017.
The Judge orders a temporary protective order to stop narcissistic behaviors.
Perfect! A moment of rest! Now, how do you fully stop a narcissist?
You know…. I don’t know. I’ve been trying very hard the last nine years. My narcissist abuser put me in a position where I had to fight for my life and all the things I love.
I was stopped at a red light and hit by a commercial semi truck. My nursing career, along with my health quickly faded after multiple spinal injuries, surgeries and an autoimmune battle. Like many other unsuspecting spouses, the narcissist I promised my heart and soul to, completely waged war on me when I couldn’t defend myself. After I requested restraining orders (getting a RO on a cop is nearly IMPOSSIBLE) he wasn’t allowed to put his hands on me, his abuse was silent and legal. He used the system, his connections and his status to bully me in court for everything he could think of. His police badge and decorated United States Army Uniform were once symbols of justice, and now they’ve become cold signs of pain and anguish that trigger fear leaving feelings of hopelessness.
I share my feelings and story because maybe that’s what our black friends are feeling except on a much larger scale? I practice empathy and try to assume the disturbances these precious humans are feeling so we can work together to make positive changes.
Many courses of action are taken by narcissists to avoid their true colors from shining. For example, my ex has changed police stations and military units at times that conveniently lead him out of trouble. While under police investigation he took a 12+ month military deployment (again in GitMo… for more inhumane dinner stories?) He’s made a baboon of himself in front of mediators, medical professionals and his peers by not being able to keep his fits of rage under wrap. From talking over people to becoming physical in public, a narcissist feels they must be worshiped and in control at all times.
If I disagreed with my ex, he will make wild claims. For many years his favorite game was to tell everyone I was bipolar and anorexic. When trying to adopt a baby, you must take a psych test: which I passed. When I had weight loss surgery, I passed again. When he took me to court and claimed I was a danger, my ex won. I was crazy at that point. I had a mental diagnosis of PTSD and anxiety after he was done with me.
Narcissists are relentless. Victims of these these types of abusers often wish they’d be shameful of their actions or be willing to compromise, but acts of peace typically cause them to further victimize. These people are considered mentally ill themselves. They’ll never admit fault and asking them to discontinue on their path can potentially be devastating to others.
Heartbreakingly, maybe George Floyd was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, at the hands of an aggressive and racist narcissist that should have been identified long before another unarmed black man became a victim of police corruption.
If narcissism is the issue, are we fighting a hopeless war?
Growing up, most of us are told to respect the police. We are trained not to; speed, steal, lie, cheat, hit, bite, and keep our clothes on in public.
For the most part, we all do a pretty good job, but when we slip up, we are taught the police are the good guys that must take control of the situation and they’re here to be leaders to set us on the ‘right path’.
My grandmother told me, those in society that do not wish to follow standard ethical rules, get to sit out in ‘adult time out’. I remember asking, “who leads the coppers if they lead us?” She simply said “Other officers.” 30 years later, I see how right she is, and how wrong the set up is.
Where in the world is a good starting point to rebirth a peaceful society?
The Bible, The Beatles and Billy Idol all said a thing or two about love being the answer to most questions, and as much as I sound like a tree-hugging hippie, I absolutely couldn’t agree more.
Empathy is a key component to love. Many confuse empathy (feeling with someone) with sympathy (feeling sorry for someone).
Empathy involves an ability to perceive others’ feelings and to recognize our own emotions. It involves imagining why someone might have certain feelings, and brings concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is the most logical response.
Empathy relies on specific parts of the brain that evolved to enable emotional connection with others and the motivation to care. When we see someone in pain, pain pathways in our own brains light up, though to a lesser degree. This is the emotional part of empathy, or the emotional resonance, that many officers ignore or push away, though that works against their compassionate instincts.
“[Your] sophisticated neurological system allows you to observe others hurting and gives you just enough of a taste of the pain to consider helping them out.” says psychiatrist and researcher Helen Riess of best selling book ‘The Empathy Effect.’
Empathetic beings act in love and often delicately, they do not exhibit racism because they’re always ‘walking in the other persons’ shoes’ and it would emotional turmoil for an empath to be treated poorly related to something they couldn’t change.
Empaths feel deeply obligated to help and care for everyone, no matter personal sacrifice.
Narcissists lack empathy and statistically speaking, so do police. Sadly the evidence is overwhelming, “According to the Web site Fatal Encounters, cops were involved in the deaths of twelve hundred and sixty-one people in the United States in 2015, an average of about three and a half each day. The string of brutal arrests by officers in Missouri, New York, Texas, South Carolina, Ohio, and elsewhere has helped to drive the public’s faith in law enforcement to a twenty-two-year low. National confidence in police officers’ racial impartiality has also fallen. But, for communities of color, incidents like these are nothing new; they often confirm a longstanding perception of police as antagonists.” Source.
In the case of George Floyd we rule:
Leaders must direct in love, ethically by means of empathic serviceman.
Sentence includes psychotherapy, mental health check-ins and access to self help and education….
DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Police have been loading the wrong guns for a long time…
Nelson Mandela said “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” So, why are the police still shooting?
PoliceFoundation.org shyly shares “About one third (30.2 percent) of police officers in the United States have a four-year college degree. A little more than half (51.8 percent) have a two-year degree, while only 5.4 percent have a graduate degree.”
Scientific studies have shown police also have a below average to average IQ, “The average score nationally for police officers as well as for office workers, bank tellers and salespeople is 21 or 22, the equivalent of having an IQ of 104.” Source.
No one, including ‘wanna-be’ officers are not content with this, in fact, there’s been legal discrepancies to dispute the fairness of only keeping civil servants on duty with lower intelligence levels.
In 1997, Robert Jordan filed a discrimination lawsuit against the city of New London, Conn., after they deemed him too smart to be an enforcement officer and denied him employment. Source.
Nelson Mandela, rest his beautiful soul, shared more lovely advice on why education is key to an empathic, controlled and peaceful society:
“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special…..The power of education extends beyond the development of skills we need for economic success. It can contribute to nation-building and reconciliation.”
In the case of George Floyd we rule:
With combat and tactical practice, officers should be fed real education.
Sentence includes education on; compassion, culture, insight, history, game theory, humanities, psychology, ethics, statistics, poise, manners, holistic care and other much needed soft skills that make a big difference.
No one is perfect and it’s never to late to start aligning with what’s mutually beneficial for all
The end goal should always be for a better tomorrow. This truly can’t happen without starting a revolution that encompasses compassion and benevolent beings. I ask that you each stop in each moment and think to yourself a few things:
How does this effect all the entities that surround me in this moment and in the future?
How would I react if this were done to me?
How can I ‘do no harm’ in this situation?
I’ve often said, “If I can’t do it at a PTA meeting, full of priests, aired on TV, with my grandma watching and my kid livestreaming on facebook, as it goes viral, I try to think twice about doing it, just in case! lol”
One may argue, but I feel it’s wise to make life choices this way, ensuring little embarrassment or regret.
Note, while this is an unrealistic expectation, it’s a fantastic practice to condition good behavior patterns.
Solving ongoing issues takes a peaceful discussion. We can’t solve anything if we don’t open our hearts and minds and share with one another.
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”- Quote credited to Marcus Aurelius writings.